my alcoholic junkie brudder

when i wuz a lit ill chy ill about 5 mebbe my brudder expressed interest in hobos. he even wanted to interview hobos and start a newspaper called the hobo times. later when we were 12ish he read about an elected official in ancient sparta whose duty it was to reel through the streets drunk as an example to others. he expressed admiration for such a position and bemoaned the fact that there was no modern day office.

my brudder is 11 moths older than me. i guess mam and pap GOT BUSY right away,huh? pap put us to work on many home improvement projects. one i remember clearly is switching from oil fired hot water heat to gas fired hot water heat. we got lengths of pipe and threaded it ourselves. mixed and poured concrete for the new furnace slab and ripped out the old furnace and beat it into scrap iron.

when we were done pap didnt proclaim, “my good sons! thanks so much for helping me and the family. we saved lots of installation costs. FREE! pizza for everyone!”. nope we got cuffed and slapped up the side of the hade for not moving fast enough on pipe cutting and threading.

me and my brudder did lots of other stuff. cut down trees, dig ditches. mix lots of other cement, lay cinder blocks, move fill of soil and torn up cement sidewalks. we took down and put up an above ground pool every season. pap would fly into his rages when things didnt go right.

little by little my brudder was spending less time at home and more with his so called friends. started smoking pot and drinking and having sexual encounters with females and male humans.

i ended up doing lots of home improvements by myself. mostly painting the house every spring.

one day i was watching tv. in those “care free” days i was quite the couch potato. pap called to me to come out side. my fav show was on so i “aw shucks” him. he threatened me with bodily violence. so get up and out. there is my brudder passed out on the front lawn from some pills he took earlier. we carried upstairs into “the boys” bedroom and dropped him in bed like a dead animal.  pap was mad and i feared for my well being. i took some proxy whuppins for my brudder.

i think my brudder was just 17 when he passed out. 2 years earlier he ran away. mam and pap spent the summer driving around new york city looking for him. it was one of the best summers of my youth. pap warnt around to whup me or make do do chores. i have 3 sisters but i have no recollection of anything they did that summer. i was in my own world reading books, watching tv and day dreaming.

then…the most terrible event happened. mam and pap found my brudder. he was a changed person. we may have been close before that, now we were estranged. who knows what he was doing, grifting, male prostitution and?

mam once told me to look for him. sometimes we hid in the closet of “the boys bedroom”. it was the first place to look. i did. there was my brudder and one of my sisters, her with her pants down and him checking things out manually. i just closed the door and told mam i couldnt find him.

a year later he went up to the big pop festival at watkins glen,ny, the first one. he came back 5 days later all scruffy. he told me he dropped acid and got lots of blow jobs.

he moved out as soon as he was 18 but moved back a few times. he fell in with various divers companions. i used to visit his pad and watch him and his mates shoot up heroin. they learned all about the technique from watching drug abuse films in high school. i tried heroin once. snorted it. i didnt see what the facination with it was. my brudder sed you have to stick with it.

his friends scared me. some were rough and tumble blokes. i had to to get employment to appease mam and pap so i didnt see him much. as time went buy it has become less and less. as of this writing it has been 10 years at my pap’s funeral. neither of us got up and sed anything. my brudder-in-law got up and sed some pleasant lies. what could me and my brudder say? he made us work off our childhood and beat us?

i sent him a postcard when my mam told me she cut him out of the will. left him a hundred bucks and theres nothing he can do about it. i told him to get lawyered up. my sisters asked my why i did that.

i dont remember mam and pap taking him to any doctors to be diagnosed and get treatment. the only “treatment” he got was pap’s belt. now a days he would be diagnosed as manic depressive or bipolar and take medicine. back in those salad years when the world was green in wisdom one medicated hisself. so i think he deserves some of  mam and pap’s estate because of the piss poor job they did.

some of his madness has rubbed off on me. i lived with him for 18 years in a bunk bed arrangement and we shared pap’s brutal child management. so mam and pap got 2 for 1, that is two mentally scarred sons for the investment in one. my brudder demonstrated the art of masturbation to me. he was able to suck his own cock.

my brudder told me how pap made him flush a pound of pot down the john when he got busted. it was a sting operation. a real  low level dealer got popped and to cut some time off his sentence he set up my brudder instead of a higher up. my brudder got parole. often he waited right before his parole check to get drunk or do drugs then sweat out that he will get caught.

he used to work for the town in the garage maintaining goobbermint vehicles. he once borrowed a motor traffic law enforcement vehicle to got to a “stop and cop”. this was a corner in the nasty part of town where you can drive by and purchase illegal substances for abuse  right off a street corner. so the bros see a black and white pull up and scatter. but then they see it’s my brudder and they return to close the deal. a prudent person would wait until he returned the cop car before consuming his contraband. nope, not my brudder. he ingests the purchase, gets stoned and promptly backs the cruiser into a telephone pole. losses his job and his driver’s license. goes on welfare and currently collect SSI diabilty because he is legally blind and has a mental condition.

when my youngest sister got married pap tells me to go get my brudder and bring him to the church. my brudder expressed some interest in being there. so i drive to this rough town where he lives and proceed to knock on the front door of his flat. no reply so it’s the back door. i hears music so he must be home but no answer. twice to front and back pounsing on the door. my watch sez i have to leave or be late. i tells pap when i see him and he is fit to be tied. icing on cake, my brudder calls my answering machine at home and asks where am i?  well, i wasnt past out drunk on the floor like him. on that day i give up on him. he is a loser, a complete waste of white. all thanks to mam and pap. i know i have a hand in it also.

and there you have it in a nut shell. my alcoholic junkie brudder. he is a victim of the modern age as we all are.

now my mam used to call me up once a week and boo-hoo, my first son (me being #2 son), what’s wrong with him? i try and comfort but withhold telling mam she and pap screwed up royally. but i did tell her. now i dont hear from mam any more. i bet she cut me out of the will and left me $100 and there is nothing i can do about it.

i’m a victim of the modern age as we all are.


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