english az a dying language

firstly, duh powerz dat be kan ki$$ my airy a$$!

english used to be duh defacto language of uhmerika.

just recently my employment had a Xmas partay. every won gathered in a certain area for roast beast and other edible goodies.

out of 100 pipplz deer be only 15 natcherly born uhmerikans. dee remainders all be fresh off dee boat or over dee river.

you may wander why i mangle dee english language so much. BECUZ EVERY WON I KNOW DUZ IT!!!

various folks from various south uhmerikan countries, folks from dee middle east and eastern europe, all spikken wiff dee strong accidents.

i am an ESPer. we are all to certain degree and i used to use my ESPer babble fish to determine wut folks from other countries were trying to say. i wuz pooty good at it.

now a dayz i haz me shields at max. i make duh udder pussin struggle to express hiz/her/it’s intentions.

i often ax folks from south uhmerika iffen dey have phone options such az “press won for spanish or too for english”. dey just laff in me face.


i know from bean married to a woman from south uhmerika dat dey be very discriminatory to folks from udder countries. peruvians hate equadorians, puetro ricanz hate mexicans but dey all agree to hate filthy gringos.

dey all mangle eglish and i haz to deal wiff it. and now you haz to deal wiff it. truly deer are infinite monkeys banging out infinite blogs. iffen you doan like diz won find another. i insist!


potty sum new jerky vs mt everest

first, dee powerz dat be kan ki$$ my airy a$$!

i wuz talking to a coworker who livz in potty sum new jerky. potty sum iz a post apoplectic urbane nite mare.

diz feller told he wuz taking dee bus home and deer wuz a human form laying in dee street, a guy. he sed dat carz were going around the motionless form. no won stopped to help out. duh bus continued on itz way.

dat iz exactly wut mountianeerz do on mount everest. wen dey see a fellow mountaineer in trouble dey all just walk on by lest dey get in trouble.

pooty fucked up. first world problems.

trump or monkey?

first, TPTB kan ki$$ my hairy a$$!

divad letterman used to have diz contest weer he bought up members of dee audience. deer wuz a prop, a board wiff an array of flaps. showing above each flap wuz the hair of trump or a monkey. the contestant picked a flap to reveal iffen day chose correctly, trump or monkey.

divad letterman used to have red hair. now he iz mostly chrome dome. mebbe he got jealous of trump. divad letterman is retired now.

wen trump iz sworn in wud it be impolite to do “trump or monkey”?

recently, sum won done did do call michele O!bama a gorilla or wuz it girlrilla? duh pussin wuz attacked by the media and pundits about how dat iz a no-no. iz dat becuz michele iz black?

i wanna know, iz it okay to play “trump or monkey” becuz trump iz white?

i think trump iz an a$$ hole. i think hillary iz an a$$hole. i also think michele and barrack-ack-ack are both a$$holes.

just like jimmy carter he locked up some YUGE! areas of alaska to prevent oil drilling. hiz reasons bean reasonable. we doan possess proper technology to prevent or mitigate a catastrophic spill. i’m all for dat even if i think he iz an a$$hole. bad men can do good thingz.

but den you look at O!bamacare. duh guy iz an a$$hole.

trump iz our generation’s incarnation of P.T. barnum. i am shore trump goan to give us all a fair shake for our sugar. at least we will be entertained. iffen i haz to go to hell i wanna go in a hand basket wiff daisy garlands.

i bleeve we iz all primates on dee monkey sphere and dat includes michele O!bama. wut sort of primate iz open to personal interpretation.

trump or monkey?

china & dee EM drive

firstly, TPTB can ki$$ my airy a$$!

a big shout out to my fellow primates on dee monkey sphere.

itz official, itz a meme. itz all over dee inter tubes. china iz testing dee EM drive on itz space station.

i red dat it takez kilowatts to get micronewtons of thrust.

mebbe yur pap or a gearhead friend haz a torque wrench. set it to itz lowest setting den tighten a bolt. lossen duh bolt, tighten, again, again.

now imagine tightening a bolt using a millionth of dat torque. dat iz wut an EM drive produces when you input KILOWATTS!

i dunno. iz dee technology scalable? if i want one newton of thrust den i need a mega watt?

all dee articles i red say the EM doan require fuel. wuzzup wiff dat? yur microwave oven uses electricity and EM drives are made from scavenged microwave ovens. yur microwave oven needz 2000 watts of electricity to produce 1000 watts of cooking power. heer we have a device dat is 500,000 less efficient.
wont sowm one do duh math?

i got 8.5 kilowatts of solar power on dee roof. it takes up 60 feet by 25 feet. i wud get 8 micronewtons of thrust. one wud have to “drag” along dat many solar panles and dee payload.
just saying…how many micronewtons and how long to send a 1 ton rover to mars?

disembarking necessities…

firstly, TPTB kan ki$$ my hairy a$$!

a big shout out and hello to my fellow monkeys. i haz sumpin very impotent to discuss.

we all bean monkeys i iz shore you experienced dis. did you ever haz to take a mean $hit? becuz mebbe you were in a situation where you cudnt go, aboard transportation, ingesting a foodstuff out of the ordinary, over indulging, taking nasty medicine, starting an illness or getting over won?

aint it grand wen you achieve enlightenment? the after glow of letting go? hot dam! dat mallow feeling of chilling after down loading, pinching a loaf, letten it slide, clyde?

dis happened to me recently & i timed it. i had an endorphin rush for 30 minnits!

i be a morge instead an imorge. i kaint say imorge physiology be similar to mine. i haz often almost had an orgasm wen i tuk a long pi$$ i had to hold on to. it wuz dat good. so deer are some good pointz to bean alive in a meat bag.

of course there iz dee unsettling and distracting effects of having to hold on wen you doan wanter or bean temporarily unable to void out.

i wander if doze dat transition to machine existence will miss dat? machines will still have to consume energy. i doan know of any machines dat can function from the aether of space time.

will machine monkeys need lube jobs? will dey poop bat treez? will machines knead sexual contact? monkeys do wut monkeys gotta do.

kan gurus develop a technique weer dey can kontrol deer bodies to experience duh bliss of taking a $hit or pi$$? cud modern pharmacology develop a pill to get high like dat? wud goobermint restrict the usage of such a pill?

ethicists have to start discussing these issues right now.

monkey sphere revisited

firstly, TPTB kan ki$$ mu hairy a$$!


planet of the apes double you double you 3!

some wag once sed dat if infinite monkeys randomly banged away at infinite typewriters won of doze monkeys wud write shake speer. i be won of doze monkeys.

go ahead and laff becuz you be won of doze monkeys also. i kan prove it. you eat and drink so you have to $hit and pi$$. mostly likely you fornicate and procreate and den you die. life and death on the monkey sphere. such are duh conditions dat prevail.

you belong to the tribe of monkeys known as humans. our brains my be bigger dan duh rest of doze primates and we be able to organize processes better and have a rich and complex social structure but we still be monkeys.

our rich and complex social structure allows for scientific slaughter of other monkeys who use different vocalizations den ours or decided to believe in different concepts of god or iz it gaaawd or mebbe gah-DUH! mebbe some monkeys need the resources dat other monkeys happen to be living on. mebbe other monkeys have subtle physical characteristics about the face or body structure. it can be as simple az skin pigmentation. lotz of reasons for some monkeys to kill other monkeys.

doze monkeys dat developed advanced technology are better off dan monkeys who didnt. won thing some monkeys invented wuz money and capitalizm. capitalizm iz like believing in a god. doze monkeys wiff more money kan lord it over other monkeys. the need for ever more money can lead to some monkeys wiff lots of it to deny other monkeys money so dey kan get it all.

some monkeys think dat science and technology kan make dem immortal. imagine an immoral immortal monkey! $HIT! it walks, it talks, it kills FOREVER! becuz dat iz wut monkeys do, kill for money and power. once a monkey becomes immortal it will kill to protect itself. it might perceive duh rest of use monkeys az a threat. sumpin to look forward to.

games wiff our frontiers, monkeys on spheres.
TPTB kan ki$$ my hairy a$$!

duh conditionz dat prevail

firstly, TPTB kan ki$$ my hairy a$$!


sum weer in syria hundreds of thousands, NAY!, millions of piplz are bean bombed out of existence thanx to duh super powerz. i live in a super power, uhmerika. i live in dee grape stake of new jerky.i have a ring side seat for the freak show.

the current president, O!bama, who won dee no bell piece prize, haz bombed moe piplz den almost any won befoe him. under hiz watch hospitals and doctors haz ben bombed, “collateral damage” in dee form of civilians and noncombatants slaughtered willy nilly and higgity piggity all in dee name of free dumb with lotz of denials and finger pointing and smoke screens.

well, none of doze guyz haint goan to lissen to me. my fellow citizens and coworkers and passers by never mention any of it. wut uhmerikans talk about iz wut celebrity iz fucking some other celebrity, wut sports star iz making hundredz of millions of dollars and other fake newz.

besides syria deerz yemen and somolia and lybia and iraq and iran most of africa and various south uhmerikan countries in disarray. most of deez countries got ruined through direct meddling by uhmerika or some sort of grand chess game to deny other countries kontrol of those areas.

it makes it extremely difficult to be proud deez dayz. how iz i supposed to be patriotic?

i doan support china or russia, NO SIR! dey be duh same thing but just dressed in a slightly different cultural veneer.

TPTB kan ki$$ my hairy a$$!